Lists to Help you Through Any Loss is for people experiencing any type of loss. This book discusses some of the most common grief experiences and breaks down psychological concepts living amends to help you understand your thoughts and emotions. It also shares useful coping tools, and helps the reader reflect on their unique relationship with grief and loss.

living amends

So we can skip the long-winded speeches and just be mom or dad. In Twelve Step terminology, another word for “amend” is “fix.” Not the fix we might have chased back in the day, but a fix to a broken relationship. We don’t need to delve into the past and apologize for every birthday party we missed, every fight we picked or the years we were absent— either physically or emotionally.

Understanding AA Step 9

Whenever possible, those in recovery are encouraged to make direct amends face-to-face with those they’d harmed while living in addiction. The scholarship I received from Living Amends to attend Ascension House in Austin, Texas was incredibly beneficial for someone who was trying to restart their life. I personally needed to change almost everything about my life if I was going to be successful in recovery. Being given a scholarship allowed me to have the time and supportive environment I needed to make those changes. It was at Ascension House that I learned what working a strong program looked like and how working the program could change my life. The scholarship and the chance to live and learn at Ascension House is part of why I am sober today.

Figure out ways to improve upon them, and tell your loved ones what you’re working on to help you improve. Years of being torn between hope and hopelessness followed. I nearly lost my life in 2012 when after drinking all day, my mind gave up, and I went into a psychosis and took all my medications which consisted of blood pressure and antidepressant mostly. My heart couldn’t take it, and I went into acute respiratory failure. After having a procedure on my heart, due to the meds I took, I was released only to drink that very same day.

What Is Step 9 of the 12-Step Program?

Just like each person needs an individualized approach to alcohol addiction treatment, your approach to making amends in AA may look completely different from someone else’s. One very effective way to make amends is to go to treatment. At FHE Health, you’ll learn more about Step 9 and how to handle the worst of experiences. For many, this is one of the most important components of recovery, because it allows them to work on rebuilding their relationships and letting go of those they cannot repair.

living amends

I would throw myself in front of a train for my children, but I could not stay sober for them. Trying to be sober with no rules, no guidance, and no help usually ends [badly] for us. They started pulling information, and when they came back with the amount I would need to enter, I was disappointed and at a loss. I couldn’t call family because I had ruined all trust.

Step 9: The Best 5 Tips for Living Amends

Ninety percent of the time, I keep my mouth shut, but I am my son’s mother. I have a responsibility to parent him and speak out for his best interests. Likewise, my marriage is a partnership with my husband. Early in my recovery, I learned neither my son nor my husband was listening to anything I said. My Mom, on the other hand, loves to complain about Ricky’s behavior.

  • Tragic events happen every day, and in ways we least expect.
  • I found out about the scholarship through a friend and applied, and to my amazement, I got it.
  • It is different from an apology, which is “a regretful acknowledgment of an offense or failure”.
  • I can’t even begin to explain the over joyous feeling I had when she gave me this blessing.
  • When I first came to recovery, I was certain steps 8 and 9 would be a breeze.

For many who lived in addiction, apologizing was a regular habit. Whether it was apologizing for being late for work, missing an event, misusing property or stealing money to support an addiction, expressing remorse was likely a daily occurrence. The guilt may have been real, but the apology didn’t come with lasting change. No matter how much we feel the need to make things right, forcing another to meet with us or hear from us is not part of the Steps. These promises are often the most difficult to keep because addiction plays a decisive role in a person’s ability to live up to their promises. Their parent may feel more pain for their addicted child’s inability to get sober than the material items lost due to the thefts.